To fill the “one bite at a time promise” for this post, I was going share a recipe or a cooking tip, but on the way…

Grief struck. Abject sadness. Tears. Quiet sobs.

It will be two years this May since I bid my husband goodbye, until we would meet again.

Grief never ends, and it rears its sad, sometimes choking, presence at unexpected times.

It was a beautiful day. I happily cooked breakfast for my grandkids whom I watched that week. I had slept well enough – although there was a dream about my husband’s last moments – but I’ve had those before with no discernable aftereffects.

Surely, this episode of overt grief will pass; it usually always does – but there was a different quality to this – something … sadder … deeper.

Thoughts of sharing recipes are replaced with the need to breathe and not break into tears with full-blown sobbing in front of grandchildren before they leave for school.

Get out.

Pull myself together.

Walk the dog.

Get into the car and drive somewhere in this unfamiliar town I’m visiting.

Be pro-active.

Help myself.

“Yes, Ma’am!”

So, I dutifully checked off all the things that had helped in the past, and by the time I got home, I was much the same …

This was new grief territory for me. Have you experienced something like this? Just when you think you have that “grief thing” pretty well-experienced, some new reaction pops up to blind-side you?

I moved on to reach out to a friend who provided the phone support I needed, but still …

Taking the smallest measurable amount of a prescription nerve pill helped get me across the line from lingering deep sadness to genuinely okay. Taking any medication is a last resort for me and many of my readers.

Knowing how to self-reboot is important. Notice that rebooting went through several stages. Did I feel like leaving the house – walking the dog – driving to a store?

Absolutely not.

I felt like diving under my weighted blanket for the rest of the day.

But take the necessary steps I did. Don’t wait until you feel like helping yourself. That might not happen.

“Oh, you’re sad! Take an anti-depressant … take a nerve pill.”

We must be careful. Being sad is a normal part of life – the ebb and flow of normal human experience. Knowing when some extra help is needed is crucial for the balance we all hope to find.

Self-awareness will guide us to know when extra help is needed. For the grief process, a national group called Grief Share holds meetings across America. Our local chapter is even expanding its group sharing opportunities to meet the needs of the growing number of people dealing with grief.

Perhaps you may be having too many of those days with a black hole of grief that cripples your participation in the world. Just one day was more than I ever want to have.

Join me into looking for a Grief Share meeting nearby and making the time in what may be a jam-packed schedule to put your needs first.

We’ll share recipes next time. I’ve got a meeting to go to.

In health-

Deidre

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