We are publishing this post on Monday, Valentine’s Day, instead of Tuesday, because we have an important message about how our love can be much bigger than hearts, flowers, loving sentiments, kisses, or hugs.
It may be easier to buy a box of chocolates, perhaps, than delve into this topic – but – the legacy of doing these simple things will reverberate with your loved ones in a far deeper and meaningful way that will carry your embrace far longer than the chocolates ever will.
What am I talking about?
Did you know?
Somebody is going to leave.
Yes. Leave.
It might be you first or it may be your loved one.
Age or state of health does not matter at all.
We. Are. Going. To. Die.
Somebody is going to be left behind.
So. Before you go … do this today.
Share. Share your knowledge.
If a clot hits your brain like a bullet train at rush hour five minutes from now, would there be anyone at your job or in your house who knows how to carry on?
Would they know how to write a check, order supplies, know when the next shipment is coming in, how to start the lawn mower, or turn off the water in case of a leak?
Would your family know what your favorite hymns were? Did you want to be cremated? Where did you want your ashes scattered? Is there an insurance policy? Where is it?
So many questions.
Often, there are too few answers for the ones we professed to love who are now going out of their broken minds and hearts trying to navigate on their own without a map or compass.
Their confusion and lack of direction is under our control – until it isn’t.
In these two downloads, you will discover issues that are of immediate concern today – before you go – that help smooth transitions through normal stages of life, death, and survivorship.
Instead of another giant stuffed teddy bear the dog may destroy in a day, how about sharing some real love for when either you or your loved one is left behind?
It’s a gift that will keep on giving.
These two downloads are from my double book: Toolkit for Caregivers. Please share the love by clicking on the MORE button below.
While Deidre is taking some personal time away this week, I thought I would throw in a post of my own. It really doesn’t have much to do with eating right, or clean, or Keto, or kale chips – I do have to tease her sometimes about all that.
I want to talk about one of my favorite subjects – the universe – and I do think about it a lot.
What has that got to do with me, you ask? Well, plenty actually.
First off, do you even realize where we are in the universe? How big, or small, we are compared to other planets? Do we always turn in the same direction? Why do we have different seasons? Are there more babies born on a full moon? (Yes, there are!)
Because of some of these things, I have often wondered:
How are flight patterns made?
How did we first figure out time zones?
Why did we make the Farmer’s Almanac?
How bad does it have to get to say, “Houston, we have a problem!”
These are just a few, there are thousands more. I’m not trying to be silly; I really do ask myself these questions.
I guess this would be a good time to admit, as long as I can remember, my childhood desire was to be a starship captain – just like Janeway – although I’m a little pudgier. You can’t imagine my disappointment the moment I found out none of it was real – no starship, no Janeway, no five-year expedition tour out in the galaxy. I was heartbroken. I even wrote about it in my children’s book, If the Stars Were Mine.
One thing I don’t question is my belief that God, or a superior being – if you will, made the universe and everything in it – including us. As differently colorful, questioning, amazing, unique, fun-loving, aggravating, and just-plain-weird we all are – I believe there is a bigger plan for everybody and the universe proves it.
To put all this information into context, several years ago, I happen to hear Louis Giglio speak on the universe and I was completely blown away. I was amazed at the information he shared. I found his YouTube video and thought I would include it here so I can share it with all of you.
The Orion Nebula – known as the stellular nursery. It’s where stars are made.
I, personally, believe we were formed and placed within a solar system that deliberately fits perfectly together. And, on top of that, a creator Who knows each of our names, as well as names every one of the stars He creates!
My long-term wish is that I will be able to fly around the universe He keeps building upon. I am going to stand fast on this. Perhaps it is to make up for any disappointment about the whole starship thing. I know they meant well.
Who wants to be my wingman? (Get it?)
What do you suppose we will see when we leave this earth behind? I think the most fun is ahead of us and what we have here is nothing in comparison to what it will be.
When I lose someone I love, I always think of a poem I heard long ago. It brings me such comfort. It’s by Henry Van Dyke and to paraphrase:
Henry Van Dyke
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says, “There, she is gone.”
And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”
Our post this week is dedicated to Deidre’s lifelong friend and neighbor, Reuben Earl Hart, from New Bern, North Carolina.
Fly high, Reuben!
Sheree
A Memorial to Reuben – Unshed Tears
Tears are streaming from my eyes
unbidden
From whence are they coming?
They will not stop
My dear one departed years ago
This kind of grief is past …
Or is it?
Why is my grief so raw?
How is it the faucet won’t turn off?
It seems there are unshed tears for
grief itself
Sprung to life with the passing of
a sweet neighbor
Sprung to life with the kind of
knowing
Only ones who have walked this path
know
I know what kind of a journey
She who is left behind is
starting
Tears for her pain
Tears for the fist pounding pain of loss
Tears for her birthing process in becoming
One who has lost
Everything will be rebuilt
That which we didn’t want rebuilt
New perspectives
we did not want
No
But we are thrust forward
So, these unbidden tears are for
both of us
Tears I had saved, unknowingly
That will buoy us all up in the river
of life
We float along toward the sunny spots
That await and will bless
But
For now
Just know
These tears
Are our Baptismal waters
You are strong and you can float
And you are not alone …
Deidre Edwards for Carole Hart
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There are those who pride themselves in avoiding all forms of social media. That’s fine. Taken to an extreme, we are apt to have permanently bent over necks and backs as we gaze at our phones instead of looking up or out at the world in the first person.
Checking on the latest news in my respective feeds is something I do have to rein in from time to time. There is the element of becoming addicted.
But hearing the daily “Banjoy” from George Oliver as he plays a short banjo ditty from his front porch or seeing the latest photograph or drone video from photographer friends, Elaine Varley, Sue Williams, Steve Smith, and Ben Linderman, and my day is brighter.
Then, a friend will post an inspiring thought I might share as well.
Some posts seem to come around every so often. I appreciate the repeated messages of hope and love. Often, they seem to appear just when I need them.
Then, there’s this poem that found its way to my Facebook feed again earlier this month. Perhaps you, too, have seen it:
HEY GOD – Author, John Roedel
Me: Hey God
God: Hello …
Me: I’m falling apart. Can you put me back together?
God: I would rather not.
Me: Why?
God: Because you aren’t a puzzle.
Me: What about all of the pieces of my life that are falling down onto the ground?
God: Let them stay there for a while. They fell off for a reason. Take some time and decide if you need any of those pieces back.
Me: You don’t understand! I’m breaking down!
God: No – you don’t understand. You are breaking through. What you are feeling are just growing pains. You are shedding the things and the people in your life that are holding you back. You aren’t falling apart. You are falling into place. Relax. Take some deep breaths and allow those things you don’t need any more to fall off of you. Quit holding onto the pieces that don’t fit you anymore. Let them fall off. Let them go.
Me: Once I start doing that, what will be left of me?
God: Only the very best pieces of you.
Me: I’m scared of changing.
God: I keep telling you – YOU AREN’T CHANGING!! YOU ARE BECOMING!
Me: Becoming who?
God: Becoming who I created you to be! A person of light and love and charity and hope and courage and joy and mercy and grace and compassion. I made you for more than the shallow pieces you have decided to adorn yourself with that you cling to with such greed and fear. Let those things fall off of you. I love you! Don’t change! … Become! Become! Become who I made you to be. I’m going to keep telling you this until you remember it.
Me: There goes another piece.
God: Yep. Let it be.
Me: So … I’m not broken?
God: Of course Not! – but you are breaking like the dawn. It’s a new day. Become!! Become!!
Becoming is our everyday state, our journey. My appreciation for the state of becoming increases with each passing year – it’s a part of gaining perspective.
It’s easy to see the uncomfortable changing processes on the heels of tragedy, grief, loss, or enormous positive shifts in our lives. But the subtleties of cleaning out a closet cannot be ignored as we let go, realizing we no longer need this or that.
This becoming thing has lessons for us on cosmic, earthly, and on mundane levels.
The words of John Roedel are resonating with me to the point I have now purchased two of his books and am following him on Facebook. The details of the birth of his writing journey may inspire your own life journey. Check him out HERE.
Just wanted to share something of value with you today.
In health-
Deidre
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Sometime this week, I will dump out the contents of my 2021’s Blessing Jar.
There, strewn across the counter, will be small pieces of paper – each with a notation about a blessing that came my way in the past year.
Random things.
Sometimes it’s a happy touch of unexpected sunshine on my face on a cool fall day. Perhaps the blessing came in meeting someone special.
A blessing can also come from knowing I had been a blessing to someone else.
The process of pausing beside the Blessings Jar occasionally to note recent positives helps to keep me focused on the good – the positive – and on the opportunities to give and receive blessings.
And, wow, what an amazing experience it is to revisit a year’s worth of blessings in one sitting!
The blessings are there all the time – even in challenging and life-changing circumstances. Bad health? How about the nurse who took extra care in helping you? Difficult times at work? Maybe you found a way to overcome obstacles, or maybe you found a better position.
In this time of reflection, my thoughts have been boosted by two authors whose writings crossed my path recently.
One involves the realization there are more years behind me than there are ahead of me. Truly absorbing this reality colors my choices in how I want to spend my limited currency of precious moments. Trivial pursuits/people/conversations, or rehashing things that will never change, only serves to rob my limited resources.
In the words attributed to Antonio Marulli:
“I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch hearts, people who have been taught to grow up with gentle touches of their soul.
Yes, I’m in a hurry, I’m rushing to live with the intensity that only maturity can give.”
The second author, Rachel – who writes as Finding Joy on Facebook, inspired me as she wrote about longing to counsel her former broken self, saying that though the path would be hard, brighter days lay ahead.
I knew brighter days would eventually come to me, while still in the depths of anticipatory grief as a caregiver. I knew the price would be paid of having even harder, gut-wrenching events happen first – thus, making the hope of joy almost shameful.
Creating as much light during the dark-yet-blessed days of caregiving and pushing myself forward through the time of abject grief, I held onto the hope of brighter days ahead.
Now, I can fully write my former shell-shocked self, saying:
Dearest Self-
Your journey is about to get more challenging than you can even imagine, but fear not!
You are blessed with enough strength, faith, family, friends, and seemingly random connections that will pave every step of this journey.
The more you let go, the more will be given to you.
Continue to do your best, be your best, and reach out to the best.
Like a fine piece of metal being hammered into shape, every blow, every challenge will shape you into a more beautiful vessel than you could ever have imagined.
There will be times when you will need to just lean into the suffering, sadness, and challenge.
At other times, you will find the strength to say “Stop” to the downward pull of negativity so that you can push forward – maybe not even knowing why/how/or where you are going – and you’ll be able to feel the sunshine once again on your face.
While you will wrestle with impatience to be whisked through the Valley of Despair, you know fully well that timing is Divine. Delay often means that lessons are yet to be learned.
Each lesson prepares you for success in the next steps you desire.
And that which you desire will be out-shined by the reality of the full manifestation!
May each of our foodtalk4you readers take some moments to reflect on last year’s blessings and know that we can identify with your anxiety, cares, and concerns.
We often resolve one set of issues – only to pick up new ones along the way. But …
Reflection can yield a healthier view with a very comforting perspective.
Have you started your Blessings Jar yet? Read more about this HERE. With link to 3rd post for 2021 re blessings jar and word of the year.
Maybe you, too, could write your former self a letter of encouragement.
In health for the New Year-
Deidre
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Have you ever crumpled on the couch after a day that has taken a toll on your limited energies only to feel – how shall I describe this – a bit challenged? Maybe there’s a feeling niggling inside that says, “Whoa! I might be sensing something not good starting to happen”?
Whether we are experiencing good stress – called eustress – or bad stress, the toll on the body is often the same.
Factor in our increased holiday activities, and there’s a recipe for being more susceptible to colds, flu, and the like – not to mention COVID.
Elderberry
Whenever I am feeling overly tired, challenged, or have that niggling feeling, my go-to is echinacea or elderberry.
The coneflowers of the echinacea plant may grace your garden with their stunning beauty and variety of color options. It’s long been used by Native Americans for its medicinal properties when taken internally or used on the skin to treat wounds.
Before you dive into using any form of echinacea, please check out THIS POST for vital information about precautions, interactions, and dosing. All medicines started out in nature – just because we can get them over the counter does not mean we should casually use them on our own.
I have also discovered elderberry syrup can be helpful in boosting my immune response, so I have added it to my ward-off-getting-sick arsenal by either preparing a cup of tea with one dropperful of an echinacea or elderberry containing extract OR by chewing up five Nature’s Way Esberitox Chewable Tabs.
This is anecdotal evidence, but when coupled with a smart approach that includes –
Respecting my body’s messages to slow down
Getting adequate sleep
Eating real food with no additives
Maintaining modest exercise
Then I can successfully keep the wolf on the other side of the door, and can wake up with stable energies and no more niggling feelings of impending badness.
Taking a couple days of down time to catch up and recharge before continuing our vacation explorations – this time in the mountains –
In health –
Deidre
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We are all familiar with the dietary temptations of this holiday season – starting with Halloween and culminating with New Year’s … or the Super Bowl … or maybe Valentine’s Day.
That’s at least four months of over-the-top sweets, fat, and decadent beverages. I’m letting St. Patrick’s Day slide because it features corned beef, cabbage, and potatoes – well, there is the beer.
I have compounded my personal challenge of not going crazy with holiday food by also being on the road visiting family for Thanksgiving and then vacationing for over two weeks. Yikes!
There is no way I want to re-lose those 25 pounds I lost over 6 months on Noom. No, siree!
My companion and I have met the challenge, not through denial and lack of participation in the local culinary and beverage scene, but by sharing a generous app or meal, doing lots of tourist-y walking to take in the magnificent views, and in eating at least one meal prepared in our micro kitchen each day.
A few bananas, apples, and a jar of peanut butter go a long way to save money and calories on breakfast. Using the microwave in our lodgings, I’ve added bowls of steel cut oats to the morning menu.
The one day, so far, which we each had our own meal, leftovers were kept and enjoyed the next night.
This approach to holiday/vacation eating seems to be working. My slacks are still quite comfortable to wear and there are no bulges.
Yet, we have marveled at the divine wonderfulness of our shared bowl of oyster “stew” – which looked like an oyster version of she-crab soup – as we tried not to audibly sigh with too much delight.
How are you managing your holiday eating? It does take some pre-planning and commitment, for sure, but blood sugars and waist sizes can be maintained.
Enjoy the holiday decorations
In health-
Deidre
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Can you feel the rise of expectations during the holidays – especially since it’s our first fully-vaccinated and “boosted” holiday season since 2019?
We have GREAT EXPECTATIONS!
It’s a hallmark version of life we may long for, but the reality of changing circumstances may give us something less than what we had envisioned.
Should we feel like failures? Maybe we’ll just let the holiday season slip right on past and pretend it never happened.
Every religious holiday I can think of is centered around the theme of love – giving it, receiving it, revering the gift of love, and being inspired by it. Most secular and national holidays recognize love and gratitude in some way.
Halloween may be the exception, however; but it does highlight a love of candy, having fun, and all things pumpkin.
So, are all the Hallmark accoutrements of over-the-top decorations, festivals, and parades just so much window dressing?
Like the famous Wendy’s commercial of old which asked, “Where’s the beef,” we might be asking, where’s the love?
Our social calendar may look a little empty due to infirmity, circumstances, moving, or a host of other reasons. There may be a little less to work with this year.
But it’s not the window dressings we remember or hold in our hearts – it’s the love and how we felt.
The memories that last are the songs our hearts were singing at the time – love songs of joy, warmth, and care.
The theme of changing expectations to focus on the love – instead of the window dressings – is reverberating more and more with many of us.
Gathering a few of the many decorations from my home of over 40 years to my nascent home in another town, I kept repeating my new mantra of “expectations” to adjust what environment I wanted to create and WHY I felt it was important.
I did not need the full Hallmark effect. What I needed was the LOVE.
May we not lament the things and experiences we do not have.
More than ever, we need to rejoice in the loving relationships we are nurturing. Strengthening the loving bonds may look a bit different again this year, but the resulting full hearts will forever be warmed by something that endures, crossing distance, time, and space.
With love and appreciation for each foodtalk4you subscriber –
Deidre
#RAISEcaregiving (ACL’s official tag for RAISE activities) #CaregivingInCrisis (CAN’s 2020 observance) #NFCMonth (Annual observance hashtag) #FamilyCaregiver (A larger conversation on family caregiving) #Caregivers (Broadest conversation around caregiving)
We talk a lot about nurturing others: Encouraging our children and grandchildren saying, “You can do this,” “I believe in you,” “You have all the skills for success,” and the like.
Are we doing this for ourselves?
Or is our inner conversation more like, “Well, that was dumb,” “I knew you’d fail trying that,” or, “You’re not smart enough/thin enough/fast enough/rich enough/young enough/old enough to succeed”?
We’ve explored self-talk before on foodtalk4you, and readers continue to print out their copies of affirmations offered on our home page. Those affirmations, which have helped me in the past, are more faith-based and perhaps – more generalized.
As I study the writings of Louise Hay and Jennifer Teske, I have come to appreciate a different sort of affirmation that speaks to my inner self – the very core of my self-worth and abilities.
Letting the words of these affirmations by Hay wash over and filter through me, I am being transformed and empowered from the inside out.
I’ve come to learn, the subconscious mind accepts things at face value – much like we did when as babies and children. We accepted the things we experienced and were told were true. Those early messages of love and acceptance – or mistrust, lack of love, and self-doubt – became our view of the world and the blueprint for self-talk throughout life.
Louise Hay takes the listener through paired statements aimed at addressing the way the subconscious mind thinks. More than, “I am good enough, just as I am,” which the subconscious may reject as a false belief from early experiences. Her tandem affirmations also include, “You are good enough just as you are,” which is aimed at leaving an acceptable truth in the subconscious.
Listening to such affirmations feeds the non-judgmental and accepting subconscious mind. There are times when the inner self needs a boost of self-worth messages.
When was the last time you believed that you are worthwhile and deserved to be happy? Or that you were loveable because you exist?
Even if we have been behaving in ways that are unlovable, reminding ourselves that deep inside we are loveable, can inspire a change in attitude and action.
What if you were to internalize the message: I experience love wherever I go/ You experience love wherever you go? Perhaps you would come to greet each day in expectancy of positive experiences and love. With such an outlook, you would find love wherever you go.
I am at peace within/ You are at peace within. Enjoy a non-puffed-up boost in self-worth and being grounded by listening to such inspired affirmations.
Leave your thoughts and comments with me by clicking on the comments link at the top. If you found this post helpful, please use the MORE button below for sharing options.
#RAISEcaregiving (ACL’s official tag for RAISE activities)
#CaregivingInCrisis (CAN’s 2020 observance)
#NFCMonth (Annual observance hashtag)
#FamilyCaregiver (A larger conversation on family caregiving)
#Caregivers (Broadest conversation around caregiving)
Honoring Caregivers … I’ve come to call it Soul Work.
Caregivers do a lot of it. The grieving do it. Those suffering from the PTSD of having been a caregiver do it.
Guess, we all do it at most any stage of living on this beautiful blue orb.
It’s the process of figuring things out, releasing past hurt and pain, to take ahold of the present moment.
We cannot grab the life we are living today if our hands are full of stuff from the past – so, yes, we all do soul work.
This month, we recognize family caregivers who are juggling a mind-numbing amount of mental, physical, and emotional issues each day.
The last two years have been a challenge – at best – for most of us, and simply brutal for caregivers of loved ones.
Caregiving is isolating enough without the added constraints of a global pandemic. To go through those years that I did previously, but in the present time? No thanks.
So, what do we do to help the caregivers in our community?
Send them a card every so often.
Call them.
Get vaccinated and masked so you can more safely visit them and their loved one.
Offer your vaccinated and masked self as a fill-in so they can step out of the house for a bit of exercise or for an errand.
Offer to do some chores so they do not have to.
Drop off a meal so they do not have to cook.
Help them contact their local Area Agency on Aging in the United States to make sure they have the resources they need.
This month, I have lowered the price of my book, Toolkit for Caregivers, to make it even more affordable to those who are caring for loved ones. It is a great gift to a caregiver to show them support when you can’t be there.
Please reach out to a caregiver near you to offer a lifeline. Every little act and deed go a long way to keep their heads above the raging sea that threatens to drown them.
In health-
Deidre
#RAISEcaregiving (ACL’s official tag for RAISE activities)
#CaregivingInCrisis (CAN’s 2020 observance)
#NFCMonth (Annual observance hashtag)
#FamilyCaregiver (A larger conversation on family caregiving)
#Caregivers (Broadest conversation around caregiving)
The MORE button below will let you share this post with your friends. It’s also an excellent time to start gift purchases for the coming holidays. Why not go to this link HERE and get copies of my books for your friends and loved ones.
It all started with a nice, big pizza. I lived in Sacramento at the time and had the high metabolism of youth.
Ah, those were the days …
There was a new place in town called Pizza and Pipes. Not the smoking kind of pipes, but those associated with a BIG pipe organ. Yes, there was a massive pipe organ inside, with a zillion pipes placed around the walls to surround the patrons with sound.
Pipes from the massive organ
Dining there was a memorable experience that culminated each night in the organist playing, J. S. Bach’s, Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.
Oh, my!
He let all the stops out, and our pepperoni vibrated in jubilation!
Fast forward to present day, when I am seeking inspiring ways to change my exercise routine; pizza is a rare – now gluten free – treat, and I have learned about the benefits of creative movement.
That’s right. Creative movement. When you let the music speak through your body; inspiring original motions prompted by the tempo, lilt, and quality of the sounds.
Maestro Grant Llewellyn
Maestro Grant Llewellyn’s Enchantment of the Elves, mentioned in a previous post, is a gentle pre-coffee wake up for movement and stretch.
Later in the day, however, Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor has long been a favorite for a full body workout.
Standing in the kitchen, it’s so easy to be carried away through bends, stretches, dips, squats, kickbacks, arm circles, and other movements that fit what this genius music is telling me.
Maestro Grant Llewellyn’s Enchantment of the Elves
When a larger space is available, I can use my gymnastic-inspired tool to keep ribbons suspended and moving through the air as Bach’s melody rises and falls.
Now, that’s an aerobics workout that will challenge you.
Constructing these ribbons was enjoyable for me and could become a fun family activity for you. Follow these steps to create colorful ribbons suitable for exercise.
Exercise Ribbons
Supplies
Doweling that feels comfortable in the hand – I used one with a 5/8-inch diameter. Doweling is available in craft and hardware stores.
Sandpaper
Craft paint
Eye screws
5-foot lengths of 1 1/2-inch ribbon
Method
Saw doweling into 6-inch lengths
Sand all surfaces of each length
Paint all surfaces using craft paint – two or three coats of paint may be needed, lightly sanding between coats
Screw in an eye screw into the center of one end – one on each piece
Tie on about 5 feet of colorful ribbon
Head out to the backyard to jam with your music.
Get your heart rate up; increase your ease of motion and let your spirit soar. A pair of these would make a thoughtful, affordable, and helpful gift.
In health through movement-
Deidre
#RAISEcaregiving (ACL’s official tag for RAISE activities)
#CaregivingInCrisis (CAN’s 2020 observance)
#NFCMonth (Annual observance hashtag)
#FamilyCaregiver (A larger conversation on family caregiving)
#Caregivers (Broadest conversation around caregiving)
The MORE button below will let you share this post with your friends. It’s also an excellent time to start gift purchases for the coming holidays. Why not go to this link HERE and get copies of my books for your friends and loved ones.
