To fill the “one bite at a time promise” for this post, I was going share a recipe or a cooking tip, but on the way…
Grief struck. Abject sadness. Tears. Quiet sobs.
It will be two years this May since I bid my husband goodbye, until we would meet again.
Grief never ends, and it rears its sad, sometimes choking, presence at unexpected times.
It was a beautiful day. I happily cooked breakfast for my grandkids whom I watched that week. I had slept well enough – although there was a dream about my husband’s last moments – but I’ve had those before with no discernable aftereffects.
Surely, this episode of overt grief will pass; it usually always does – but there was a different quality to this – something … sadder … deeper.
Thoughts of sharing recipes are replaced with the need to breathe and not break into tears with full-blown sobbing in front of grandchildren before they leave for school.
Get out.
Pull myself together.
Walk the dog.
Get into the car and drive somewhere in this unfamiliar town I’m visiting.
Be pro-active.
Help myself.
“Yes, Ma’am!”
So, I dutifully checked off all the things that had helped in the past, and by the time I got home, I was much the same …
This was new grief territory for me. Have you experienced something like this? Just when you think you have that “grief thing” pretty well-experienced, some new reaction pops up to blind-side you?
I moved on to reach out to a friend who provided the phone support I needed, but still …
Taking the smallest measurable amount of a prescription nerve pill helped get me across the line from lingering deep sadness to genuinely okay. Taking any medication is a last resort for me and many of my readers.
Knowing how to self-reboot is important. Notice that rebooting went through several stages. Did I feel like leaving the house – walking the dog – driving to a store?
Absolutely not.
I felt like diving under my weighted blanket for the rest of the day.
But take the necessary steps I did. Don’t wait until you feel like helping yourself. That might not happen.
“Oh, you’re sad! Take an anti-depressant … take a nerve pill.”
We must be careful. Being sad is a normal part of life – the ebb and flow of normal human experience. Knowing when some extra help is needed is crucial for the balance we all hope to find.
Self-awareness will guide us to know when extra help is needed. For the grief process, a national group called Grief Share holds meetings across America. Our local chapter is even expanding its group sharing opportunities to meet the needs of the growing number of people dealing with grief.
Perhaps you may be having too many of those days with a black hole of grief that cripples your participation in the world. Just one day was more than I ever want to have.
Join me into looking for a Grief Share meeting nearby and making the time in what may be a jam-packed schedule to put your needs first.
We’ll share recipes next time. I’ve got a meeting to go to.
In health-
Deidre
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some of the happiest times of the year: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, and New Year’s Day – to name a few. Maybe a birthday or an anniversary will be added to the mix. Some of us, however, may be caught up in the poignancy of All Saints’ Day Memorials – remembering those who have passed away in the last 
year – or in Veterans’ Day tributes to those who have given their all for us in battles of war.
may have resulted in the physical and emotional rugs being jerked out from under us, many of us are just trying to suck in all of our emotions.
But is that the right approach?
produce about 10 ounces of tears a day and 30 gallons a year. Toddlers probably exceed that.
such as dust, wind, or onions.
Tears release toxins from the body – The tears we release when crying actually wash away the chemicals that raise the stress hormone (cortisol) inside of us. Other chemicals found in our emotional tears include the “feel good” hormones, called endorphins, that help to decrease pain.
have been shown to help kill anthrax.
Tears relieve stress – Stress activates our Sympathetic Nervous System or our fight-or-flight response. Tears counter that by activating our calming system called the Parasympathetic System. Again, our tears cause the stress hormones and toxins to wash away, thereby reducing tension. As one article pointed out, tears are certainly a healthier option to punching a brick wall and cause no physical injury, no headaches, and do not contribute to higher blood pressures.
moments and can put an emphasis on the emotional component of a verbal exchange.
If you aren’t going to be home for Christmas; if your family does not look like a Norman Rockwell painting; if you are going to spend the first holidays without a special someone; chances are, a good cry may come your way.
others in similar circumstances (or worse) and be a light in the darkness for them. Call others on a whim. Surprise an acquaintance with a small gift or flower, or physically be there for someone in need.
box of Kleenex. You may need to see the doctor. Be alert for signs of depression in yourself or others which will also include some, or all, of the following indicators:
Depression will not be fixed by a good cry. Depression is not fixed by “pulling up your own boot straps.” If you see yourself in the list above, please make contacting a physician a priority. You do not have to feel like that. There is help!
The whole back-to-school atmosphere of late August makes me think of fresh yellow No. 2 pencils and a brand-new box of Crayola’s.
After taking 28 days of vacation out of town to reconnect and refresh – my physical and emotional fatigue, grief, and jet lag have taken a toll. Spending 15 minutes with my new watercolor brush pens takes me away from those blue electronic screens, and completely relaxes my mind and body in preparation for a restful night.
those crayons, pens, pencils, or brushes to help disconnect and calm yourself for sleep.
As regular readers already know, it’s been two or three years since I’ve had any kind of time off. It was pure bliss to reconnect with friends I hadn’t seen for forty years in Sacramento, California. Then I flew to the Big Island of Hawaii where I basked in paradise at my daughter’s home. I hope you have had some type of time away from your normal schedule. It’s so healing to just walk away from it all – even for just a few days.
stopped there for me except for playing Uno with the grandkids.
to reset myself. Other than the obvious changes that come with grief and widowhood, my body is clamoring for some attention. Too many good habits have gone by the wayside as caregiver stress mounted for over two years.
Like the classroom instruction starting up all around us, we would do well to remember how learning happens. Teachers guide young minds to learn one concept at a time. When that concept is mastered through practice and application, the next concept is introduced. Children put all of those concepts together to create a bigger whole. Learn the alphabet and the sounds each letter makes. Put those letters together to form words and then sentences. Eventually, books are read.
my public 
Everything that has been shared about journaling for goals is true. The effect is immediate. The desire to improve is fleshed out in action through this simple accountability tool. Grab a piece of paper and write down your daily progress for a personal goal.
periodically with an update as to your progress or share some difficulties. We’re in this together to help and cheer each other on to success!
drop of water floating along…sometimes at a lazy trickle over pebbles … sometimes on top of a leaf scurrying along a fast stream …sometimes rushing along in the swift currents of a raging river. We ride alongside other drops in an ever-
changing scene. Some drops are carried away from us at a faster pace, but with the ebb and flow of currents we may once again float along with them as neighbors.
Bone health is a topic foremost on my mind as I will share my efforts to move that bone density scan from osteopenia/osteoarthritis to normal bone density. Hint: There’s a lot more exercise happening and collagen consumption going on.
This fall, I will also be writing the last chapters of my next book, Toolkit for Caregivers. It is a project I hope to share with others on a grand scale. There will be presentations nationwide for caregivers who need tips, hints, and practical how-to ideas for taking
care of someone who is confined to a hospital bed at home. The need for this supportive and encouraging information is great, and I feel “called” to help others walking that path.
you at the end of summer and early fall. Until then, I am listening to my body, mind, and soul and am entering into a period not of inactivity but of calm. My transition into flying solo has actually been full of activity but has lacked nature’s touch.
Ocean waves beckon. Stargazing beckons. Quiet forests beckon. I need to heed the call of nature and the deep desire to spend time with family.
world turn while watching the clouds above float by.
forests of Northern California was a holy experience. Quietly stepping into the ancient tabernacle of giant redwoods was life-changing! I return to that experience often to relive the awe and wonder of it. Presently, extended slow walks to the mailbox and some time spent on the back porch swing have to satisfy that deep need for now.
boat on the river or time sitting on one of our beautiful beaches satisfies many. Time to unplug from the rat race and reconnect to the REAL WORLD of nature.
The best indicator of longevity turned out to be the number of daily face-to-face connections we had. Smiling at people. Striking up brief conversations with strangers. Laughing about the human condition with someone while in line at the bank. Lamenting about the price of tomatoes with a fellow shopper. Little connections. With humans. Face-to-face.
Yours truly won one of the main door prizes! I had never heard of a Dash Caddie before, so the young inventor and his wife had to show and demonstrate it to me.
Caddie, which is a portable box that can mount into almost any golf cart or suction-cupped onto the dash of an RV or boat with ease.